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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23704909">If Only</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/canidswain/pseuds/canidswain'>canidswain</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>David Marble Hornets AU [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marble Hornets</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Gun Violence, Hospitals, M/M, Multi, Near Death Experiences, Self-Insert, Sensory Overload</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:48:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,033</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23704909</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/canidswain/pseuds/canidswain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>If only he'd been stronger, David screamed at himself, if only he'd listened to Tim and trusted he could do this on his own. Then Jay would be safe. Jay would be okay.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ammon Wright (Marble Hornets)/Original Male Character(s), Jay Merrick/Original Male Character(s), Jay Merrick/Timothy "Tim" Wright, Timothy "Tim" Wright/Original Male Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>David Marble Hornets AU [6]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704667</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. as death minute in decimal</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i love the ending of marble hornets but lord i need something fucking happier i cannot deal with tragedy</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Jay! <i>Jay!</i>"</p><p>--</p><p>Trembling hands slammed down over the bullet-wound like a vice. This was all his fault, fuck, Tim would never forgive him. <i>Jay</i> would never forgive him. David clutched his dying boyfriend to his heaving chest and willed him to live, sobbed out apologies and tried to keep himself from vomiting. This was all his fault.</p><p>The Operator had been getting in Jay's head - Tim had told him and David had seen this firsthand when their camera-toting friend had crept into Tim's (and temporarily David's) home with a knife. He had watched, useless and mortified, as Tim had restrained and bound Jay, and left him writhing on the floor. "Watch him, make sure he doesn't hurt himself," the man had said, and then told David he was going to the school and to stay put so help him God.</p><p>Protesting at first, David insisted on coming with, but Tim said Jay needed someone there for him, "I'll be fine. I'm only going to do a once-over, then I'll come right back and we can think about what to do next."</p><p>So there David had sat on his boyfriend's living room floor, trying his best to ignore Jay's ragged-sounding pleas and bargains as he shivered and thrashed. He told himself Jay wasn't in a healthy state, that he would do anything to get untied, that the desperation in his voice was for the wrong reasons. But then he started prattling on about Tim, and David's heart seized and his walls came down. The things Jay was screeching about as he begged to be untied wore down David quick - that Tim wasn't safe, Alex could be out there, he was going to die without someone there to help him, what if he got shot and bled out because they weren't there, the Operator could find him, totheark as well, they could do anything to him - and within minutes the man was cutting Jay's restraints and they were rushing out to the car together.</p><p>If only he'd been stronger, David screamed at himself, if only he'd listened to Tim and trusted he could do this on his own. Then Jay would be safe. Jay would be okay.</p><p>If only.</p><p>Legs threatening to give out beneath him, the brunet stumbled to his feet, trying his best to support Jay and keep pressure on the bullet-hole. "Y-you're gonna b-b-b- mmmgnh- You're-" The words stuck in his throat as he hauled his partner through the cobwebbed corridors towards the stairs. "Ffffine. Fine. Stay with me. Stay." Jay was rasping against his neck, spluttering and coughing blood against his skin. If he could just get up the stairs, they had a chance. David didn't dare question how Alex hadn't found them again yet. He'd gotten Jay, but missed David - surely he'd want to finish the job?</p><p>A particularly violent choking sound beside his ear spurred him on, through the blood and the tears and the sweat running down his neck. The first step - "We're, we're gonna climb, okay? One step at-tt-t-t-t-" He felt frenzied nodding against his throat, so didn't bother finishing as they began their ascent. He barged Jay up against the handrail to hold him upright, and struggled up step by step. Every second, Jay threatened to bring them both tumbling back down under his dead weight, but finally they collapsed over the top step.</p><p>Immediately dragging his barely-conscious companion out of the door and down the front stairs, David began hollering Tim's name, screaming it out uncaring for whether others heard. They needed to get Jay to a hospital; he glanced down now that they were out of the darkness and nearly threw up at the pale, lifeless face he saw slumped on his shoulder. His shouting pitched up, relief flooding his joints when he frantically looked around and saw Tim barreling towards the pair.</p><p>David's explanations fell on deaf ears as Tim helped him hurriedly carry Jay to the car - they settled Jay in the backseat and David climbed in next to him. Snatching up a hoodie from the footwell and thrusting it into David's arms, Tim circled around to the front seat and took off without fastening his seatbelt. David stammered for a moment before realizing Tim's meaning; he pressed the dusty material against Jay's wound and ignored the coughing fit it ripped out of the half-dead man. Better than bare hands.</p><p>"I told you to stay at the house."</p><p>Fuck. There was bite in Tim's tone, but it was mostly frustration and a deep seated worry. Biting his lip, David glanced to the rear view mirror and flinched at the exhausted expression staring back at him. "I-I know, I'm sorry, I shouldn't- I shouldn't have. You told me t-to-" Throat growing thick with despair, he pushed on, "I'm sorry, h-he just, we were worried about you."</p><p>The eyes glaring at him shifted away, back to the road, and when Tim spoke again there was anger clear and raw in his voice, "I gave you one fucking job David! I can take care of myself, I'm doing fine, and Jay definitely fucking isn't. It was irresponsible and downright fucking <i>stupid</i> to cut him loose, not to mention <i>following</i> me! What did you think was going to happen, David? He's not in his right mind, Alex is still out there, <i>as we can now see,</i> and-"</p><p>"I thought it would have been you."</p><p>The car swerved for a split second, before continuing straight. Tim looked to the mirror again, and guilt settled in his bones at what he saw. David, his hopeful, light-hearted David, with a face red with blood and shame and wet with fresh tears, shuddering with the effort not to break down because that would mean less pressure on the wound and that would mean more bloodloss and that would mean more chance of losing Jay. "He k-kept saying," the sight choked out, "that something would hap- hap- hap-p-p-pen to you, if we didn't find you."</p><p>"David..."</p><p>"I didn't want to lose you. I'm sorry."</p><p>Tim swallowed, dry and heavy.</p><p>Thick silence filled the car as they made their way to the nearest hospital, still breathing through sheer terror.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. condemn him to the infirmary</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The hospital.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i have absolutely no idea whats standard emergency procedure in hospitals definitely not american ones so forgive if this is completely inaccurate</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>David sat, trembling, in the back of the car even as they pulled up outside the hospital. Maybe he'd finally gone into shock. Adrenaline coursed through him and pounded in his temples as he helped Tim haul Jay out of the car, and hustle him through the doors.</p><p>They were met with an immediate panic as nurses called doctors and Jay was taken from them and dumped onto a stretcher. Fear ripped through David and at first he lashed out, trying to hold onto Jay, terrified that if they took him away then he'd disappear entirely. The tears started again, and the curses and spitting, and suddenly the voices around him were too loud and the harsh waiting room lights stung his eyes and Jay's dirty hoodie's sleeve was the only thing he could feel.</p><p>He began screaming and thumping a fist against the closest blue-scrubs wearer he could make out, tossing his head up and losing feeling in his knees. When David felt arms fold around him he screeched and thrashed, realising too late that his hand had slipped away from Jay and they were wheeling him already down the corridor.</p><p>Shushing in his ear and humming brought him back down, back to a shaky, simpering mess. His fists found purchase in fabric behind him, kneading desperately, trying to find ground. He let himself be guided backwards, pulled down gently into a seat, simply sniffled as an arm slung his legs over their lap. Head ducking down to rest at a collarbone, David wheezed and murmured thanks at the fingers he could feel weaving through his hair. There was no reply.</p><p>They sat like that for a while, until David finally had his breath back and the lights didn't hurt so much. He pulled his head up, swallowed, wiped his eyes. "Thanks," he whispered.</p><p>Squeezing the other's knee, Ammon nodded, looking tired. David found himself feeling worse by the minute.</p><p>Ammon picked up a light-coloured information leaflet from a table next to them and a pen, shifting slightly so he could write. Pursing his lips, David felt anxiety bubbling in his gut.</p><p>
  <i>He doesn't hate you. He's just mad for the moment. He'll forgive you.</i>
</p><p>David craned his neck to read his partner's scrawl, comforted a little by what he saw. "I-I guess, I just. I fucked up big time. Jay got shot."</p><p>Another scribbling. <i>He knows you were just worried for him. He's more scared about Jay.</i></p><p>A little sigh. "I am too."</p><p>Abandoning the paper, Ammon cupped David's jaw and stroked along his cheekbone. The expression on his face conveyed nothing, but David knew what the action meant - "It'll be okay."</p><p>As Ammon nudged his boyfriend off to head to the desk for an admission form, David sat back in his seat and popped his knuckles. He was going to have to get used to the fake smell of the hospital.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. think of each moment holding this breath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The waiting room.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I LOST MARBLE HORNETS HYPERFIX AFTER STARTING THIS FIC SO I ABANDONED IT BSHDFHSJHCS HOWEVER ME AND MY BOYFRIEND ARE WATCHING IT TOGETHER AND I GOT HFED AGAIN SO IM GONNA FINISH IT FOR HIM. I SWEAR I WILL.<br/>this chapters a bit shitty but its just a way to ease myself back in</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Every minute they spent at the hospital was painful. David sat in the uncomfortable waiting room chair, fidgeting and pulling his hair, being stopped again and again by Ammon with gentle tugs at his arms. For a while they had sat with David's legs draped over Ammon's lap, his head resting on the other's shoulder. Ammon filled out the paperwork, gave it to the receptionist, and they sat listening to the slowly mind-numbing waiting room music echoing just slightly too loudly from the speakers. Eventually David's legs began to cramp, so he gave his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek and stepped out of the hospital doors for a breather.</p><p>It was dark outside by now, hot and sticky in the humid Alabama air but it was miles better than the sterile, choking atmosphere of the waiting room. It was times like these when David wished he'd picked up smoking. It certainly would have given his trembling hands something to keep them occupied.</p><p>He couldn't stay out here forever, he miserably thought. Ammon was still sat in there and was no doubt feeling worse and worse without his mask.</p><p>Sighing, David made his way back inside.</p><p>Which was where he now found himself, slumped on the plastic chair and stimming so hard he felt like he'd either break his fingers or begin pulling out clumps of hair. The anxiety of Jay's condition circulated through his nervous system, keeping him wide awake despite the exhaustion weighing every muscle down. It got so bad that he didn't even notice when Ammon settled his hand on David's jittering thigh and kept it there, squeezing firmly.</p><p>Hours passed, each one excrutiating. By this point, David had broke down in tears more than once. Ammon looked like he was about to break the body's jaw just from grinding his teeth. But finally, they were told they could see Jay.</p><p>The elevator buttons probably would have jammed if David pressed them even the slightest bit harder. He felt Ammon's hand slip into his and squeeze tight as he bounced on his heels, counting the numbers as the elevator ascended. When they rushed out, for a moment David felt panic strike him as he forgot which room they'd said. Ammon dragged him one way down the hall, David quickly falling into pace behind him.</p><p>Jay looked dead. That was David's immediate, terrifying thought as they burst into the hospital room. He was practically grey, his eye-bags looking worse than ever, eyes closed and completely still. But the beeping of the heart monitor quickly brought him back to his senses as he rushed to Jay's bedside and practically snatched up his hand. It was cold, but it twitched.</p><p>David was crying again, he realised.</p><p>Soon afterwards, Ammon was at his shoulder, helping him down into a chair pulled up by the bed and cradling his head lovingly. The man himself was humming, offkey and unsteady. Rocking back and forth, David took one of Ammon's hands and settled it on his shoulder, clinging to it as tight as he was to Jay's.</p><p><i>Wake up,</i> he prayed. <i>Please, Jay.</i></p>
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